A bucket list often symbolizes the ultimate collection of experiences to have before you “kick the bucket.” It's a cultural phenomenon fueled by books, blogs, and social media posts proclaiming, "10 Places to Visit Before You Die" or "30 Things to Do Before Turning 30." While bucket lists promise motivation and direction, they might be holding you back from living a truly meaningful and fulfilling life. Here’s why embracing a different mindset—one rooted in presence, values, and spontaneity—might be the key to a happier and more intentional existence.

The Problem with the Bucket List Mentality

1. Setting Yourself Up for Disappointment

When we imagine fulfilling bucket list goals, we often picture idealized, picture-perfect moments. For instance, envisioning a visit to the Taj Mahal might bring to mind serene beauty and profound awe. But reality rarely matches these expectations. You might encounter sweltering heat, persistent guides vying for your attention, or the discomfort of hordes of men requesting selfies with you while hundreds of loud rickshaws honk their horns outside. These details are conveniently absent from the daydream, leaving you slightly let down as you check that box.

On the flip side, if you never achieve a bucket list goal, it looms as an unfulfilled ambition—a perceived failure.

2. Turning Life into a To-Do List

Bucket lists transform awe-inspiring experiences into transactional tasks. Phrases like "I did the Louvre" or "I’ve done Angkor Wat" reflect this mindset—places and moments reduced to check marks.

Life’s richest moments stem from being rather than doing. Checking boxes can overshadow the true essence of an experience. Imagine rushing through a bucket list itinerary in Paris, snapping photos of landmarks without ever sitting at a café, people-watching, and savoring the city’s rhythm. Living deeply requires more than cramming experiences into a checklist.

The Freedom of Letting Go

Embracing Spontaneity and Discovery

One of the greatest joys in life is discovering what you didn’t know you were searching for. And more often than not, what we’re actually looking for may not be clear to us until we stumble upon it.

*Dhitri, my Nepali mother, when I taught English in a remote Himalayan village, 2017*

Some of the most transformative experiences in my travels weren’t on my radar until they presented themselves to me. It would never have occurred to me to include Myanmar, Angola or Slovenia on my list of must see places. I never imagined I’d fall in love with Nepal, not for its hiking, but for the warmth of a woman named Dhitri, who welcomed me like family. Before I moved to the Caribbean, I didn’t even know places like Dominica or Anegada existed. Letting go of a fixed list opens doors to places and people that can end up shaping you in profound ways.

Finding Meaning in Everyday Moments

Stoic philosophy offers a valuable perspective on the pitfalls of the bucket list mindset. Instead of chasing future milestones, Stoicism emphasizes finding meaning and contentment in the present. This doesn’t mean abandoning ambition—it means focusing on the journey rather than the destination.

For example, instead of waiting to hike Machu Pichu to feel accomplished, find fulfillment in today’s hike, savoring the challenge and connection to nature. Life is happening now, not in some distant, idealized future.

Avoiding External Validation

Bucket lists are often influenced by societal trends or Instagram-worthy moments. Do you truly want to skydive, or does it just sound impressive when you tell your friends? Stoicism teaches that aligning actions with your personal values—not external accolades—is what leads to lasting fulfillment.

Instead of striving for activities that look good on social media, ask yourself: What resonates with me? Maybe it’s cultivating a garden, taking up a meditation practice, or mastering a new skill. These quieter pursuits can be just as meaningful.

Shifting from Lists to Intentions

Reframing Goals

*Trying out traditional cheese-making from buffalo milk in Nepal, 2017*

Rather than a rigid checklist, consider framing your aspirations around values or intentions. For instance, instead of, “Visit 100 countries,” focus on cultivating curiosity and learning from diverse cultures. This mindset allows for flexibility and depth, turning every encounter—whether it’s in your hometown or halfway across the world—into an opportunity for growth.

Life is not about tallying experiences; it’s about continuous learning and contribution.

The Power of Subtraction

Happiness isn’t about adding more to your life but subtracting what doesn’t serve you. A bucket list can amplify stress, creating a pressure cooker of must-dos that distract from what really matters. By focusing on fewer, more meaningful pursuits, you create space for clarity, joy, and presence.

Think of life not as a blank page to fill but as a block of marble to chisel into something meaningful.

Summing Things Up

When you let go of rigid lists, you free yourself to live with curiosity, intentionality, and openness. You stop chasing satisfaction and start finding it in everyday moments—an early morning walk, a meaningful conversation, or the simple act of being present.

The secret to a meaningful life isn’t in ticking boxes; it’s in cherishing the journey, one step at a time. The real magic of travel is discovery. Realizing, over and over again, just how narrow your view of the world is.

I ditched the bucket list a long time ago, choosing instead to “follow the flow.” During my travels there have been life-threatening situations, love found and lost, and countless moments of joy and heartbreak. These stories—messy, beautiful, and transformative—are the heart of my upcoming book. I can’t wait to share them with you when it’s released in Fall 2025. Until then, I hope this inspires you to let go of the bucket list and embrace the beautiful unpredictability of life. Who knows what incredible adventures life has in store for you?

Call to Action

What’s one experience in your life that wasn’t planned but turned out to be deeply meaningful? Share it in the comments—I’d love to hear your story!

Why You Should Ditch the Bucket List